Episode 1: Neo Armageddon Evangelist

The intrepid audiobook dramatists of Pamachu Productions begin their epic journey through the befouled landscape of shit fanfiction with a borderline sociopathic Evangelion fanfic that -- of course! -- stars an author avatar who tries reeeeeeally hard to establish herself as a  hardcore hyper-badass (emphasis on the ass).  Yes, that's right.  It's Sara Anne Grantham's "Neo Armageddon Evangelist," the impossibly titled dark-fic that doesn't shy away from the rapin' and the killin'.  Meet Sublime: the leather-clad personification of death (or something) who swaggers through every scene blasting her enemies in the face as she tediously exposits on the nature of good and evil (or something).  Gendo Ikari, meanwhile, bides his time learning that size doesn't matter as he tries to -- duhn duhn duuuuuhn -- become a god.

Be careful as you wade through these waters.  You might trip over the flotsam and jetsom left from the explosion that murdered most of the original cast and permanently deformed the series canon.  Grantham punches up every scene with howlingly bad purple prose ("the faint panting of fucking struck through the still air") and ham-fisted tough guy talk ("Bitch!" "I've been called worse!") while striving desperately to imbue some sense of gravitas and pathos into a story that amounts to little more than a biker chick smacking the shit out of an obese hillbilly rapist for twenty pages (yes, that's the plot in a nutshell).    Of course, Grantham doesn't shy away from going all Guantanamo on all of her least favorite characters (alas, poor Fuyutsuki!  It did indeed "fucking hurt!") while shamelessly propping up Kaworu Nagisa as a (strangely heterosexualized) love-interest and swarthy stud-muffin (and for the record, "merging" is a pretty lame euphemism for sex).  We're also pretty fond of the part where Gendo Ikari speaks fanboy Japanese.

Not for the faint of heart or easily offended.  Hell, I couldn't have picked a worse fanfic to start with if I wanted to actually retain listeners.  Contains explicit language, terrible grotesqueries, and nightmare fuel.

Download Part One (right click and save)

Download Part Two (right click and save)

Download Part Three (right click and save)

You can also access our audiobook recording here: part one, part two, and part three.

Grantham also wrote "The End of Everything," an alternate ending to this fanfic that "expands" the mythology behind Sublime and Washington Blasmov (yes, that's his real name!) and takes her story to its apocalyptic/nihilist extreme.  Expect an audiobook production of that particularly odious work soon.