Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Episode 2: Issei Meets the Sailir Scout Girls

If you've ever pondered the possibility of a self-consciously comedic fanfic from Issei Mataloun, then prepare to be painted ten shades of disappointed.  The results are about the same as the rest of his oeuvre.  In "Issei Meets the Sailir [sic] Scout Girls," the pre-teen avenger in short pants returns to dish out some serious ultra-violence on the devil Sailor Moon fandom.  This self-insertion fanfic features the same sort of gonzo theatrics and head-scratching lunacy that made his Hellstorm Evangelion series such a knee-slapping delight (minus the homoeroticism).  Tangled and incoherent prose punctuates even the most rudimentary of scenes (I dare you to parse out the meaning of "falem of light"), and Issei mischaracterizes the entire Sailor Moon cast as a gaggle of hyper-ventilating, sex-starved idiots who periodically burst into geysers of blood and gore (you may shed a tear as Usagi mourns the death of her beloved Mamoru by exclaiming, "And I didn't get to fuck him!  WAAAAAH!").  Issei goes hog-wild with the deus ex machinas as characters are killed and resurrected ad infinitum, and he also seems to take an inordinate amount of pleasure writing superlative character introductions ("Who you?"  "Issei!  Isseim [sic] Mataloun!").  It all concludes with one of the most anti-climactic shoot-outs in fanfic history (this is what passes for comedy in the Isseiverse) and a climactic celebration where "everyone was JAMMING."  But seriously.  It's an Issei Mataloun fanfic.  What do you expect?

This fanfic also doubles as an accidental infomercial for Rage Against the Machine's Evil Empire (which you can purchase on Amazon).

And trust us: nothing can prepare you for Issei Mataloun's transformation into a bishoujo superstar.

You can also access our audiobook recording here.

After you're finished, listen to audiobook recordings of Hellstorm Evangelion and its sequel, produced by Heavens Feel Press (the recordings that inspired this audiobook series).

(Special Note: I know there has been some debate about the pronunciation of "Mataloun."  Arbitrarily, I have decided that the second syllable of his name probably rhymes with "noun," and not "noon."  Although this pronunciation also precludes me from making "Issei What-a-loon" jokes.)

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