Tom. Fucking. Dyron. What can we say about him that hasn't already been said? Let's go through the basics. He's a beer-guzzling kick-boxing champion, a trash-talking computer hacker (or "l33t h4x0r," if you prefer), a roided-out airforce pilot, a super-suave culinary genius, a thrash metal musician with a heart of gold.... and he's gonna take a steaming shit on
Neon Genesis Evangelion. In the first chapter of this notorious
Evangelion self-insertion fanfic, Tom Dyron (the author and the character) gets everything hilariously wrong, transforming the series' deconstructive, hyper-cryptic narrative into a substandard episode of
WWE Monday Night Raw and its cast of neurotic manic-depressives into smack-talking badasses (nowhere else could we see Misato belt out a triumphant "hell yeah!" after a battle). And then things get really stupid. No, really. Just wait. I haven't even mentioned our antagonists: an incompetent, glass-jawed race of
mix-and-match critters called (hilariously enough) "the Invadors [sic]." Protracted, borderline incoherent fight scenes (with fight choreography that's lame even by the lax standards of professional wrestling) are crudely stapled to treacly teen melodrama, as the
Evangelion universe is reduced to little more than a backdrop for Tom Dyron to demonstrate his awesomeness. I wouldn't recommend any drinking games where you take a shot after every dubious retcon or instance of irreparable canon defilement.
And that's just the first chapter, folks. We at Pamachu Productions are committed to producing at least the first four chapters, and might consider recording the entire thirteen episode extravaganza (if there's a demand for it).
One chapter down... twelve to go. Oh, god, what have I started?
Update: We are pleased to announce that we have decided to record all thirteen chapters. Well, maybe "pleased" isn't the right word for it.
I love Tom's voice, it reminds me of that Monty Python sketch...
ReplyDelete-Bicycle Repairman!
-You can call me Repairman.