A special thanks to Allison for requesting that we record this episode. As always, we aim to please.
"The Horribly Bloody Death of Kairi," xXxmRs.RiKu's gore-soaked (or, to paraphrase the author, "gore-govered") Kingdom Hearts anti-fic, teaches us a valuable lesson about the sociopathic extremes of shipping. In short, hell has no fury like a fangirl scorned. Her thesis: "kairi [sic] is an ugly bitch [sic] srsly [sic] how can eanybody [sic] LIKE her? GOD." Featuring one-note characters and a narrative so threadbare that it couldn't even fill up a cocktail napkin, this fanfic functions solely as a propagandistic anti-Kairi author tract where fangirl zealotry has murderous consequences. In this story, Kairi is mischaracterized as a foul-mouthed, man-crazy, panty-flashing, homophobic dipshit who takes perverse pleasure in cock-blocking Sora and Riku. And you know what that means--no yaoi!
Wait, no yaoi? OH GOD! Won't somebody please think of the yaoi?
Kairi is clearly a menace to slash fandom and must be stopped. But how do you you solve a problem like Kairi? I don't want to spoil anything, but... uh... it's all there in the title.
Bonus points for the gratuitous suggestion of necrophilia.
Next Time: Our collaborative audiobook production of "Until the End of Time."
Original Music: Eperiod, Xeko, mattjohnson817, and DJRocAL. Oh, and Bach.