By now, it should be abundantly clear that Tom Dyron (the author) has no idea how to write a good fight scene. Punctuated with bare-knuckle brawls that play out like lame TNA undercard matches, the ludicrous fight scenes from "Evangelion II: DELTA Invasion" feature all sorts of impossible anatomical contortions, physics defying wrestling maneuvers, and a complete lack of logic, coherence, or causality. These problems are only accentuated in the third chapter as the author stuffs his story with wall-to-wall action beats that make no goddamn sense whatsoever. I dare you to decipher some of the word salad kung-fu from this chapter, where a combatant typically "[takes] out his progressive ax and jump[s] on the monster ax's blade down" or squeezes his enemies "so hard that [their] whole body bl[ows] up in 4 pieces." You'd think the author would've ditched these superfluous fight scenes and focused instead on character development or something.
Yeah, the author sucks at that too, as demonstrated by some of the maudlin teen melodrama forced into the periphery of this chapter. Too impatient for traditional methods of character development, the author slams his finger on the fast-forward button and instead doles out contrived expository scenes where characters sit in a circle and clumsily blurt out their inner emotions or romantic desires. As Tom helpfully explains at one point, "[W]e all live together and... if any of us has feelings for someone else here [sic] should spit it out, [sic] get my meaning?" It doesn't help that the core romance between Asuka and Tom is only slightly less weird and counterintuitive than Shinji's squicky, wrong-on-so-many-levels, illegal-in-fifty-states courtship of Rei Ayanami. But let's give the author the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he didn't want to burden himself with the intricacies of character development and decided to redirect his energies on some kick-ass fight scenes.
Next Time: Our collaborative episode should be coming out soon, as will our (very short) audiobook production of "The Horribly Bloody Death of Kairi." Either way, you should get two more episodes very soon!
Original Music: Taylor Sirman, NemesisTheory, JonCJG, Simon McClure, Vox, Verdi, and Chopin.
UPDATE (7/26): So, um, I finished editing that damn Kingdom Hearts fanfic sooner than expected. I might go ahead and post it tomorrow. Anyone mind getting two episodes this week?
Note: We also debut our new opening music this week, which comes to us courtesy of Taylor Sirman. Out of respect for Pretentious Internet Theatre (an excellent podcast all of you should listen to), we have decided to permanently retire Mouret's "Rondeau." Besides, I kind of fell in love with Sirman's music and wanted an excuse to showcase it on the podcast.