Saturday, July 30, 2011

Episode 9: The Horribly Bloody Death of Kairi

A special thanks to Allison for requesting that we record this episode.  As always, we aim to please.

"The Horribly Bloody Death of Kairi," xXxmRs.RiKu's gore-soaked (or, to paraphrase the author, "gore-govered") Kingdom Hearts anti-fic, teaches us a valuable lesson about the sociopathic extremes of shipping.  In short, hell has no fury like a fangirl scorned.  Her thesis: "kairi [sic] is an ugly bitch [sic] srsly [sic] how can eanybody [sic] LIKE her? GOD."  Featuring one-note characters and a narrative so threadbare that it couldn't even fill up a cocktail napkin, this fanfic functions solely as a propagandistic anti-Kairi author tract where fangirl zealotry has murderous consequences.  In this story, Kairi is mischaracterized as a foul-mouthed, man-crazy, panty-flashing, homophobic dipshit who takes perverse pleasure in cock-blocking Sora and Riku.  And you know what that means--no yaoi!

Wait, no yaoi?  OH GOD!  Won't somebody please think of the yaoi?

Kairi is clearly a menace to slash fandom and must be stopped.  But how do you you solve a problem like Kairi?  I don't want to spoil anything, but... uh... it's all there in the title.

Bonus points for the gratuitous suggestion of necrophilia.

Next Time: Our collaborative audiobook production of "Until the End of Time."

Original Music: Eperiod, Xeko, mattjohnson817, and DJRocAL.  Oh, and Bach.

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