Episode 15: Quorra Punishment Chapters

To some extent, "Quorra Punishment Chapters" constitutes little more than a digressive, terminally deranged ransom note written in the form of fanfiction by a froth-mouthed outsider.  Mixing crackpot conspiracy theory with intra-continuity crossover, Harry Apprentice's unhinged, borderline-schizoid narrative tosses together various characters and plot elements from Project A-ko, DC Comics, Godzilla, and Tron: Legacy (well, sorta) into an absurdist work of right-wing agitprop with some additional fetish-friendly fap material.  Oh, but Harry Apprentice also wants to hold us hostage!  Why?  Because we didn't create a kinktastic, pseudo-pornographic Photoshop image of Quorra, "the hot sexy lady... from the TRON movie," and must therefore be punished by a positively nutzoid story that keeps telling us about all the "sexual kinks and fetishes" that are being withheld from the reader.  Harry Apprentice also demonstrates a complete disregard for canon, continuity, or characterization as he uses pre-established characters as political mouthpieces who rant and rave about religion, sexual freedom, probiotic sauerkraut, hymens, Hurricane Katrina, panty-diapers, and the oppressive, all-powerful "homosexual conspiracy."

In other words: chaos reigns.

For those who have never seen Project A-ko: don't worry.  Harry Apprentice even announces in his preface that he doesn't really give a shit about this fandom: "I write this story in a VERY OLD FANDOM that probably nobody care [sic] about any more. Just imagine if it had been Quorra porking gay South Park boys again or if it had been Quorra in the new Transformers movie or if it had been even sexier than that!"

(This episode also features another update in our ongoing feud with Pretentious Internet Theatre.)

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Next Time: Oh, god.  Who knows?  Possibly our second Transformers fanfic anthology, or the next chapter of "Evangelion II: DELTA Invasion," or... ugh... more "My Immortal."

Episode 9: The Horribly Bloody Death of Kairi

A special thanks to Allison for requesting that we record this episode.  As always, we aim to please.

"The Horribly Bloody Death of Kairi," xXxmRs.RiKu's gore-soaked (or, to paraphrase the author, "gore-govered") Kingdom Hearts anti-fic, teaches us a valuable lesson about the sociopathic extremes of shipping.  In short, hell has no fury like a fangirl scorned.  Her thesis: "kairi [sic] is an ugly bitch [sic] srsly [sic] how can eanybody [sic] LIKE her? GOD."  Featuring one-note characters and a narrative so threadbare that it couldn't even fill up a cocktail napkin, this fanfic functions solely as a propagandistic anti-Kairi author tract where fangirl zealotry has murderous consequences.  In this story, Kairi is mischaracterized as a foul-mouthed, man-crazy, panty-flashing, homophobic dipshit who takes perverse pleasure in cock-blocking Sora and Riku.  And you know what that means--no yaoi!

Wait, no yaoi?  OH GOD!  Won't somebody please think of the yaoi?

Kairi is clearly a menace to slash fandom and must be stopped.  But how do you you solve a problem like Kairi?  I don't want to spoil anything, but... uh... it's all there in the title.

Bonus points for the gratuitous suggestion of necrophilia.

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Next Time: Our collaborative audiobook production of "Until the End of Time."

Original Music: Eperiod, Xeko, mattjohnson817, and DJRocAL.  Oh, and Bach.