In the second chapter of this legendary self-insertion fanfic, the inimitable (insufferable?) Tom Dyron continues to karate chop Evangelion in the throat as his fanfic introduces one of its core themes: the total awesomeness of the author avatar and how much ass he kicks. Yes, those disjointed, sloppily written fight scenes continue to play out like undercard matches at Kaiju Big Battel, but they also function as theatrical performances where Tom can, to paraphrase the teachings of his spiritual forefather Stone Cold Steve Austin, preach the gospel of Dyron 3:16 and open a can of whoop-ass on some Invador [sic] sons of bitches. But Tom's awesomeness isn't limited to just his
WWE championship belt fighting abilities. As we learn in this chapter, Tom's also a computer hacker, a master chef, a badass biker, a kickboxing champion (did you know that martial arts tournaments give out computers and motorcycles as prizes?), a basketball star, and a brand whore (Tom really loves Emerica and Old Navy). But what about the rest of the cast? Well, Ritsuko's interpersonal communication skills go down the toilet (she really has trouble talking on the phone), Misato shags the inexplicably ret-conned Kaji and little else, Asuka and Rei get sidelined or reduced to sounding boards for the men (hints of the author's casual sexism, which becomes more apparent later), Gendo realizes the errors of his ways (and seems to mutate into an eight-handed freak), and the once spineless and mild-mannered Shinji transforms into a trash-talking biker ("Damn right, man!"). Also features intense eating action ("I want Calzone please!" exclaims Shinji at one point), Lynchian dream sequences (where we're introduced to Jeff, our favorite character), hints of a pair of budding romances (more on that next time) and unintentional double-entendres (especially when Tom screams at his ghost-mom, "It's been SO HARD!").
Download Part One (right click and save)
Download Part Two (right click and save)
Next Time: We move on to the next chapter of "Evangelion II: DELTA Invasion" and continue looking for guest stars for a special episode of Crap Fic Theater (more on that later). I'm also still putting off the editing of "Artemis's Lover." It's just so repulsive, and I don't want to release it uncensored. At the same time, I'm still not sure how much of it I want to cut out (decisions, decisions). I'm pretty sure even a censored version of this will get me kicked off iTunes (hey, why don't you go there and subscribe to us?).