Greetings boys and ghouls! [insert overdramatic organ music] In tonight's episode of Crap Fic Theater, we give you two spine-tingling tales of mad men, monsters, murderers, and the Mary Sues who love them. Yes, dear listeners. As Halloween approaches, we hope to get you into the... SPIRIT... of the season. Bwahahaha! [more organ music] Mayhem, mutilation, and murder... with a dash of manic wish fulfillment where Mary and Marty Sues make love to monsters. Tonight we give you two scaaaaary stories of love at first.... FRIGHT! Bwahahaha! These FANGTASTIC fanfics are... TO DIE FOR! [more organ music]
- "Trapped" (WarpedMinded) - The salacious and sinister come together in this pulse-pounding, bone-chilling, and ghoulishly smutty work of Nightmare on Elm Street slash fanfiction. Yes, dear listeners. Freddy Krueger is... HORROR-NY... and needs some sweet man-on-man lovin'. Bwahahaha! And he's found a new lover: a poor, preternaturally dense gothic boy named Garrett Finnegan. But don't worry about the poor boy he's kidnapped and sexually assaulted. As a lover, Freddy is a... CUT ABOVE THE REST! Bwahaha! Yes, in this story, Freddy Krueger is a lover with a sloooow hand... even if that hand is COVERED WITH KNIVES! Pure psychosexual terror!
- "Halloween: Bloody Alliance" (Sayaman Blake) - A menagerie of murderers come together as a new super-powered serial killer named Blake comes to Haddonfield. And get this, dear listeners: he not only assembles a crack team of knife-wielding maniacs... but he also gets... a NEW GHOUL-FRIEND! Bwahaha! Crossing over the Halloween, Friday the 13th, Child's Play, and The Ring franchises, this fanfic is actually a... ROLLER-GHOSTER... of emotion... as our intrepid Marty Sue falls in love with mass-murdering videocassette vixen Samara. Let's hope they don't regret shacking up together... IN THE MOANING! You know what they say, dear listeners: these young... GHOULS... always worry that their boyfriend won't... RE-SPECTRE them... in the morning! Bwahaha!
Some come, dear listeners, for a journey into the unknown... IF YOU DARE! Bwahahaha! [more organ music]
Next Time: Whatever it is, I guarantee it won't feature as many lame puns as this episode.