Progress Report

As usual, we have a veritable smorgasbord of crap-fic goodness in production right now.  Hell, we've gotta admit--there are some real winners in this bunch.  Don't believe us?  Take a look for yourself:

Until the End of Time (gofer-chan) [DBZ/Anne Frank x-over] - We're about 85% finished with our first collaborative production.  And trust me: you guys are in for a treat.  Our guest performers knock it out of the park.  You should be listening to this one by Thursday evening.

Mortal Kombat/TMNT Crossover (TurtleNinja) [self-explanatory] - Completely recorded--with a bonus Splinter impersonation.  I've edited about 50% of the sound files, but have done little else on this episode.  I suspect this should be released within a couple of weeks.

The Piasa Bird (David Gonterman) [Power Rangers/Gonterverse] - Oh, man.  This one is a fanfiction supernova!  Yes, we're recording the first part of Gonterman's infamous Davey Crockett trilogy... because we're doing the entire series.  That's right--we also intend to record "Blood and Metal" and the notorious (and unfortunately incomplete) "Sailor Moon: American Kitsune."  Yes, we are clearly insane.  This episode is 100% recorded, but we haven't found the time (or the will power) to start editing it. 

Quorra Punishment Chapters (Harry Apprentice) [Project A-ko/DC Comics/Tron: Legacy/Godzilla x-over] - I've recorded two out of four chapters... and to be perfectly frank, I'm having a helluva time putting this one together.  You'll understand why when it's released.

Transformers in Love II -- A Fanfiction Anthology - Our first audiobook anthology of Transformers stories remains one of our most downloaded episodes, so we'd naturally like to follow it up with a sequel.  We're still trying to select two or three potential fanfics suitable for this episode.  If you'd like to recommend a Transformers fanfic you think might be appropriate for this program, send us an email.  

[untitled script-fic radio drama] - Franzie von Karma (the host of Bad Fan Fiction Theater) and I have recently started talking about adapting script-fics into old-fashioned multi-actor radio dramas.  Nothing else to report, although I'll admit to being pretty excited about this project.  Expect a casting call to be posted soon.

That's it!  Keep checking back for more updates!

Until then, please don't get sick of playing the good guy all the time.

Episode 7: Transformers in Love - A Fanfic Anthology (multiple authors)

Brace yourselves.  No longer content with limiting ourselves to a single short story, we have decided to unleash an unholy triumvirate of fanfics replete with cybersexual eroticism, techno-organic pregnancies, and self-insertion robo-fetishist wish-fulfillment.  That's right: this episode of Crap Fic Theater showcases some of the rather idiosyncratic quirks (if not creepy obsessions) found in some of the darkest corners of Transformers fandom.  As the title of this episode suggests, we have selected three Transformers stories that deal explicitly (and we do mean explicitly) with the love that dare not speak its name.  In short, this episode lets its robosexual freak flag fly as we present to you a menagerie of Harlequin-esque stories about robots fucking, falling in love, and getting pregnant (should have used a robo-prophylactic!).

• "Becoming One" (Bonita Prime): Notorious for her online betrothal to a fictional character, Bonita Prime (also known as The Real Mrs. Optimus Prime) is a self-insertion virtuoso who has written a plethora of fanfics about her author avatar gettin' it on with Autobot leader Optimus Prime.  In this short story, a techno-organic fembot named Selita (which conveniently rhymes with Bonita) falls prey to the roguish charms (not to mention the irresistible robot ass) of Optimus Prime, and describes--in exhaustive detail--her first sexual liaison with her future sparkmate.  The mysteries of Autobot genitalia are revealed!  And in order to cater to her specialized audience of  robo/human fetishists, Bonita goes to great lengths to reassure us that her Mary Sue might be a fembot but she totally looks like a human female.  Whew!  Now I know what to fantasize and fap to imagine as I read this.  Oh, wait.  There's also the fan art.  Goddamnit.
• "Transformers [sic] Cybertron: My Life," chapters 1-2 (Ms. Lady Prime): Competing with Bonita as the headmistress of Prime's Harem, Ms. Lady Prime gives us a short (and I mean really short) multi-character narrative of another shameless Mary Sue bumping mechanical uglies with Optimus Prime.  But there's a twist: Ms. Lady Prime is pregnant with their daughter-to-be Celestial Prime.  If you've ever wanted a sneak peak at the delivery rooms on Cybertron, you are in for a special treat.  Features a dramatic conflict with Megatron that functions only to highlight the author avatar's insane jealousy of Prime's dead wife and backwards sexual politics.  But don't expect much narrative tension as the author dispenses with all subplots with a hand-wave and a couple of paragraphs.
• "The Miracle of Life" (supermoi): But don't worry, Decepticon fans!  In our next story, male pregnancy (or m-preg) enthusiast supermoi recasts Megatron and Starscream as a traditional sitcom couple coping with the forthcoming pitter-patter of little feet.  Yes, Starscream is robo-preggers (miraculously enough) and he's a hormonally imbalanced mess.  That doesn't stop him from engaging in some slashtastic sexual foreplay with Megatron, of course.  But, really.  Not even that strange, out-of-nowhere sexual interlude (complete with ambiguous genitalia) can prepare you for the insane, borderline interminable labor scene where Starscream shouts out lewd insults, Megatron coos at his litter of sparklings, and the Constructicons inexplicably seem to morph into the cast of Private Practice.  You will learn more about the robot reproductive system than you ever wanted to know.

Download this episode (right click and save)

A special thanks to the Transformers' Afts community for helping me prepare this episode.

NEXT TIME: OK, for reals this time: "Evangelion II: DELTA Invasion," chapter three.  We've re-recorded the missing sound files and should have it completed soon enough.  We hope.  Our collaborative episode should also be out soon.