Coming Soon: Until the End of Time (a collaborative audiobook production)

We at Pamachu Productions are proud to announce that we have finally cast our first collaborative audiobook production of gofer-chan's ludicrous and incredibly tasteless Dragon Ball Z/Anne Frank crossover fanfic "Until the End of Time."  And what a cast we have assembled!

Goku - Ichigo (Anime Pulse)

Anne Frank - The Girl Nerd (The Girl Nerd's Podcast)

Adolf Hitler - Sean Russell (Anime 3000)

Keep checking back for further updates.  We're really excited about this episode and hope you'll give us a listen when it's released.

Episode 5: Evangelion II: DELTA Invasion, chapter 2

In the second chapter of this legendary self-insertion fanfic, the inimitable (insufferable?) Tom Dyron continues to karate chop Evangelion in the throat as his fanfic introduces one of its core themes: the total awesomeness of the author avatar and how much ass he kicks.  Yes, those disjointed, sloppily written fight scenes continue to play out like undercard matches at Kaiju Big Battel, but they also function as theatrical performances where Tom can, to paraphrase the teachings of his spiritual forefather Stone Cold Steve Austin, preach the gospel of Dyron 3:16 and open a can of whoop-ass on some Invador [sic] sons of bitches.  But Tom's awesomeness isn't limited to just his WWE championship belt fighting abilities.  As we learn in this chapter, Tom's also a computer hacker, a master chef, a badass biker, a kickboxing champion (did you know that martial arts tournaments give out computers and motorcycles as prizes?), a basketball star, and a brand whore (Tom really loves Emerica and Old Navy).  But what about the rest of the cast?  Well, Ritsuko's interpersonal communication skills go down the toilet (she really has trouble talking on the phone), Misato shags the inexplicably ret-conned Kaji and little else, Asuka and Rei get sidelined or reduced to sounding boards for the men (hints of the author's casual sexism, which becomes more apparent later), Gendo realizes the errors of his ways (and seems to mutate into an eight-handed freak), and the once spineless and mild-mannered Shinji transforms into a trash-talking biker ("Damn right, man!").  Also features intense eating action ("I want Calzone please!" exclaims Shinji at one point), Lynchian dream sequences (where we're introduced to Jeff, our favorite character), hints of a pair of budding romances (more on that next time)  and unintentional double-entendres (especially when Tom screams at his ghost-mom, "It's been SO HARD!").

Download Part One (right click and save)
Download Part Two (right click and save)

Next Time: We move on to the next chapter of "Evangelion II: DELTA Invasion" and continue looking for guest stars for a special episode of Crap Fic Theater (more on that later).  I'm also still putting off the editing of "Artemis's Lover."  It's just so repulsive, and I don't want to release it uncensored.  At the same time, I'm still not sure how much of it I want to cut out (decisions, decisions).  I'm pretty sure even a censored version of this will get me kicked off iTunes (hey, why don't you go there and subscribe to us?).

Bonus Episode: Thirty Hs (a Harry Potter fanfic)

And now for something a little... different.  For the record, we have decided to release this as a non-canonical bonus episode for two reasons: 

• This is a (non-anime related) Harry Potter fanfic
• It is not a crap-fic.  In fact, it kinda kicks ass.

For this episode of Crap Fic Theater, we momentarily take a break from the shit-storm of bad grammar, poor characterizations, and confusing plot holes to bring you this dadaist epic about the interstellar journey of a guitar-wielding boy wizard and his groinsaw brandishing dwarf-slave.  Let's not kid ourselves, folks.  This is one of the greatest works of fanfiction ever written, and we're proud to give this an audiobook production that tries to convey some of the unleaded nightmare fuel promised in its anarchic, punk rock prose and absurd postmodern narrative.  Bow down before Fuckslayer, puny fucklings.  Nothing can prepare you for this episode.  Seriously.  Everything about this recording is different from what we normally do on the podcast.  How different?  You'll have to listen and find out.

Download this episode (right click and save)

Next Time: More Tom Dyron.  More Invadors.  More ridiculous fight scenes and more OOC-ness.  And more ego-stroking author avatarisms, of course.  Don't miss it!

Episode 4: Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami, chapters 1-6

In the interest of feeding the trolls, we proudly present this decadent four-course meal of audiobook goodness.  Often imitated but never improved, D'ark Yagam'i's "Light and Dark [sic] The Adventures of Dark Yagami" is an absurdist, canon-punching fever-dream that takes the medium of self-insertion fanfics to its (il)logical extreme.   In this story, Light's diabolical and preternaturally gifted twin brother Dark enters the Yagami household as a virus enters a host cell, tossing the natural order of things irreparably askew.  Trained in a secret orphanage in Whales (which, according to the author, is "a town in England") to become L's successor, Dark instead murders Mello and Watari (who gets better) and absconds to America (where the Yagami house has inexplicably been relocated... perhaps Sandy Frank was hired as a consultant) with "a special death note that kills anyone whos [sic] name is written in it [sic] even if you dont [sic] know there [sic] face or name."  Then things get pretty bonkers.  This fanfic has it all: time travel, double crosses, car chases, secret identities, weird recursive dialogue, knife fights, gratuitous lesbian sex (or "sexing"), mop-fetishism, glittery bikinis with buttons, manly tears, mock-homophobic asides ("its [sic] not like their gay or anything!"), stinky mustaches, lame puns ("Where is Near?" "He is near"), hyper-violent eviscerations, PSP theft, and copious plot holes.  Oh, and blood bananas.  Don't forget the blood bananas.  Filled with ludicrous, near-improbable plot twists and prose that verges on constant non-sequitur, "Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami" might be a stealth parody but it's done so well that it still warrants an audiobook production of the highest calibre.

We have recorded the first six chapters of this fanfic, which could loosely be described as the first story arc and a complete, quasi-cohesive (relatively speaking) narrative.  We have no plans to record the entire 40+ part epic.  Unfortunately, we cannot commit to such a massive undertaking at this time (especially with more "Evangelion II: DELTA Invasion" still in the works).  However, several dramatic readings of the remaining chapters can be found online.

Now let the foursome begin!

Download chapters 1-3 (right click and save)
Download chapters 4-6 (right click and save)

Next Time: a special non-canonical bonus episode (and then more "DELTA Invasion," we promise)!

Crap Fic Theater Needs Your Help!

Our dated Bubblegum Crisis reference.  Yeah, we're hip.

Don't worry.  We're not going to start begging for financial donations (although we certainly wouldn't turn those down).  Our needs are far less tangible.  

Subscribe - As of today, our podcast is available on iTunes.  We'd highly recommend that you subscribe in order to receive notifications of all future audiobook productions.  We are also available on Podcast Pickle and Podfeed.  While you're at it, leave us a review.  And, of course, continue spreading the word.

Recommendations - The world of bad fanfiction is a wasteland too vast and treacherous for this solitary explorer.  For this reason, we'd love to receive your recommendations.  You can post all fanfic recommendations in the comments section or send them privately via email.  

A New Logo - As you can tell by the no-frills aesthetic of our blog, we could use some help sprucing up the place.  Anything you folks could donate to us would be greatly appreciated (although we can't guarantee that we'll use everything).

Thanks again, everyone.  A new (non-Eva) audiobook should be released tomorrow.

Crap Fic Theater Recommends

David Gonterman getting ready for action!

When I started this podcast, I was only vaguely aware of the thriving community of talented peopl producing audiobook recordings of the crap-fics emerging from almost every corner of geek fandom (anime or otherwise).  Since then, I've better familiarized myself with the diverse talents involved in bringing some of these notorious works of fiction to life, and wanted to recommend three that I believe are particularly good at crafting superlative audiobook dramatizations of some of the worst fanfiction on the Internet.

HEAVENS FEEL PRESS - Hosted by Plaid.  Home of Unlimited Podcast Works, an anime podcast that occasionally dabbles in first-rate audiobook productions of bad fanfiction.  They are perhaps best known for their excellent book-on-tape productions of Issei Mataloun's infamous Hellstorm Evangelion and its equally loopy sequel, as well as Tsunami the 5th's Fate of the Children.  Each productions is fucking hilarious, adroitly bouncing between comic deadpan and emotive, high-octane recitation.  In fact, we cite their audiobook series as the prime inspiration for this project.  (I also have it on good authority that the long-awaited Issei Strikes Back should come out soon and complete the Hellstorm trilogy.)

PRETENTIOUS INTERNET THEATER - An ambitious program hosted by Andrew Cook that not only boasts a vast library of sidesplitting fanfic audiobooks but also features interviews from some of their creators (notorious and otherwise).  This is pure prestige, featuring thunderous performances, wry commentary, and classical music.  I am particularly fond of their productions of David Gonterman's hate-filled and hilariously wrong American Kitsune (which almost seems to destroy our intrepid host) and Tara Gilesbie's gothoriffic Harry Potter fanfic / Hot Topic informercial My Immortal.  And yes, we apologize for also using Jean-Joseph Moret's Rondeau as our opening theme.  That was purely a coincidence!  Honest!

BAD FANFICTION THEATER - An excellent audiobook series hosted by Franzie von Karma that features fun, high-energy dramatizations of some truly terrifying works of fanfiction.  This podcast offers a vast archive of audiobooks that tears through multiple fandoms and doesn't shy away from the dark side of fanfiction.  I mean, where else could you suffer (the optimal word) through the loathsome wince-fest that is Robert Tsunai's Chibi Usa's 7th Birthday or dive into the lower depths of Robocop-x-Batman slash.  Oh, right, she also brings us more Gonterman dramatizations.  Yay.

Give these podcasts a listen, folks.  You'll be glad you did.

Episode 3: Evangelion II: DELTA Invasion, chapter one

Tom.  Fucking.  Dyron.  What can we say about him that hasn't already been said?  Let's go through the basics.  He's a beer-guzzling kick-boxing champion, a trash-talking computer hacker (or "l33t h4x0r," if you prefer), a roided-out airforce pilot, a super-suave culinary genius, a thrash metal musician with a heart of gold.... and he's gonna take a steaming shit on Neon Genesis Evangelion.  In the first chapter of this notorious Evangelion self-insertion fanfic, Tom Dyron (the author and the character) gets everything hilariously wrong, transforming the series' deconstructive, hyper-cryptic narrative into a substandard episode of WWE Monday Night Raw and its cast of neurotic manic-depressives into smack-talking badasses (nowhere else could we see Misato belt out a triumphant "hell yeah!" after a battle).  And then things get really stupid.  No, really.  Just wait.  I haven't even mentioned our antagonists: an incompetent, glass-jawed race of mix-and-match critters called (hilariously enough) "the Invadors [sic]."  Protracted, borderline incoherent fight scenes (with fight choreography that's lame even by the lax standards of professional wrestling) are crudely stapled to treacly teen melodrama, as the Evangelion universe is reduced to little more than a backdrop for Tom Dyron to demonstrate his awesomeness.  I wouldn't recommend any drinking games where you take a shot after every dubious retcon or instance of irreparable canon defilement.

And that's just the first chapter, folks.  We at Pamachu Productions are committed to producing at least the first four chapters, and might consider recording the entire thirteen episode extravaganza (if there's a demand for it).

Download Part One (right click and save)

Download Part Two (right click and save)

One chapter down... twelve to go.  Oh, god, what have I started?

Update: We are pleased to announce that we have decided to record all thirteen chapters.  Well, maybe "pleased" isn't the right word for it.